Saturday, April 30, 2011
I Love You More Today Than Yesterday But Not As Much As Tomorrow
Yesterday's post was lamentation and memory. Today is about looking forward. Yesterday, while Liam played laser tag and bumper cars with his many friends and came home exhausted with a car trunk full of gifts, I was shell shocked at how far we've come.
Today, Liam went to his cousin Lily's birthday party. He was tall enough for the huge water slide (exactly four feet tall) and went down at least fifteen times! He was fearless. When he was three he made me hold his hand to go down the slide at the park. Today he bolted down that water slide as fast as he could go and never looked back.
If there is one thing I could give Liam, one thing I wish I could preserve for him forever it is that "never look back" fearlessness he has right now. I wish I could bottle it for him for all the days ahead when I know we'll be back in the hospital be it for a cath, a pacemaker, or a sixth open heart surgery, or all of the above. I'm not jaded or fatalistic, but I am wise and informed. I'm not so naive as to believe that every day will be as great as today, but I'll take as many as I can get.
Still, the fact that Liam is so fearless, so generally unaware most days of anything but toys and water slides and fun, well THAT alone is worth celebrating. Today is the day I will remember and the thing I did not have during the darker days when we started this journey. Today is a treasure that will make me more fearless, and that is my son's gift to me. I am so blessed.